Sunday, March 23, 2008

Another Bend in the Road

I have waited to blog about this until I knew it was going to happen. Rachel is going to Montana to spend the summer with the Thompsons. They are her Parelli instructors, and have been such an inspiration to her to pursue her dreams. She'll fit right in. I am so excited for her, and yet overwhelmed at the thought. I guess I am getting another good dose of reality. I used to poo-poo the idea of a 'mid life crisis', and though I prefer to call it a mid life evaluation, I understand the struggle to come to grips with the idea that half of your life is behind you. It is a good thing to stop and consider if you are headed in the direction you want to be, and ask yourself what needs to change. It doesn't, however, give people a license to sin, or quit and start over. Now I find myself with an overflowing house full of children, and yet suffering from the 'empty nest' syndrome. And she hasn't even left yet! Just when they grow up and mature enough for you to be able to embrace them as comrades as well as your children, they flap their wings and leave the nest. Knowing where she is headed, and the challenges she has facing her, I can say with confidence that she will come back a different person. This is an opportunity for her to make great strides in her training. She'll easily earn her blue string (level 2) while she's there. Christopher is determined not to let her get too far ahead of him, and knowing his tenacity, he'll be ready for his assessment in the fall.
I leave on a red eye with Hannah and Matthew for a week in Dallas on Tuesday. I am looking forward to it, and hoping it will be a good time to connect with Hannah a little better. It is deja vu for me, and I am trying to do things differently, and praying for a different outcome. I want to be a wise woman and build instead of tear down. I am just so emotionally driven that it hard for me to reprogram. It is funny how your kids can learn to push your buttons. I am working really hard at not letting that happen. Rachel, my peacemaker, has been a great help in that dept. Hopefully I won't regress when she isn't around.
Our schedule is SO booked for the next 5 or 6 weeks. There is not a single weekend that we don't have something going on. Most weekends we're juggling at least two events - sometimes three. I won't have time to get my breath before Rachel leaves. In a way I guess it will be good because I won't be dwelling too much on it.
I'll try to post if I have a spare minute. I am wondering how I am going to find time to exhale, much less spend any time on the computer.

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