Connecting the Dots

When you are an analytical person (like me) it makes life much easier to live if the dots we are supposed to be connecting are clearly labeled. Sometimes though, there are a myriad of choices and none of them offer clues. The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, but the journey God has in store for us is one that we would never choose for ourselves. I look back over the past few years, and wonder what would have happened if I had chosen dot A instead of dot B as a turning point for the tapestry my life is weaving. Every bend in the road gives us the opportunity to pick another path, start out on a different route, make radical changes...or even minor ones that will forever affect us.

I am grateful for the many blessings in my life, the infinite mercy showered upon me by my Heavenly Father, and the grace that helps me along the path, even when the going gets tough.
I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who unconditionally loves me, and a quiverfull of blessings that God has entrusted me with. I can not fathom what life would be like without them.
As we stand at the fork in the road, my fervent prayer is that God will indeed direct our path. As I peer into the horizon searching for the next 'dot', I struggle to see clearly. To some readers, this may all sound vague. In its vagueness, it encompasses many of my current challenges. My soul aches for days gone by when life was simple, and suffering loss was alien to me. My childhood was far from normal, but even with a dysfunctional family, and all the warts that accompanied it, I had my needs met and I never felt unloved. Over the past 10 years, I have suffered much. God has taught me much, and I have learned to lean on him as my rock and my fortress. I remind myself that the pain I have endured doesn't compare with the sufferings of others, and I focus on my blessings. This is something I cognitively choose to do, else I would constantly be wallowing in self pity. Today I am distracted by a bad case of poison ivy which seems to be going septic fast. I have little dots popping up everywhere. The constant itching is driving me crazy. Dwelling on other things helps, so I thought I would write a bit today. Maybe it is the effects of the Benadryl, or maybe it is just the nostalgia I am feeling about lost fellowship with some of my dear sisters in Christ, but my heart is heavy and aching today.

Lord help me to know your will, and be in humble submission. Help me to die to self, and live for you. Give me the strength to continue the journey in my weariness. Lift me up and carry me, keep my head above the waters, and give me the faith to wholly trust in you.